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Summary
Summary
How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community, run a successful business, yet regularly give his wife a black eye? The very nature of these questions proves our unarticulated assumption that domestic violence is restricted to the lower classes. When we do hear stories of high-profile victims, we regard them as exceptional cases and still believe abuse doesn't happen to "people like us." Now Susan Weitzman counters this assumption by exploring a heretofore overlooked population of battered wives-the well-educated, upper-income women who rarely report abuse and remain trapped by their own silence.With keen insight and sensitivity, Weitzman, a psychotherapist and educator, traces common patterns of behavior among this group-their internal dilemmas and decisions, their dangerous desire to cover up abuse and maintain appearances. She shows how their abusive relationships follow a different course from those in other socioeconomic groups, and how these distinctions have profound implications for understanding the true nature of this behavior. Delving into the stories of these women-wives of CEOs and attorneys, of physicians and professors, the women often professionals themselves-Weitzman builds harrowing psychological profiles of both the abused and the abuser.
Author Notes
Susan Weitzman, Ph.D., is an institute lecturer at the University of Chicago's School of Social Service Administration and has served as an Adjunct Professor at Loyola University's School of Social Work.
Reviews (2)
Publisher's Weekly Review
Chicago's affluent North Shore provides 20-year veteran psychotherapist Weitzman with abundant evidence of the secret lives of "upscale domestic abusers" and their victim-wives. Shattering the cultural myth that emotional and physical violence in the home is confined to couples of a lower socioeconomic class, the author presents vivid case histories that are often excluded from clinical studies and statistics. Lacking a frame of reference for domestic violence in this echelon, health-care professionals ignore the signs, while law enforcement agents and judges go easy on it, she contends. Few believe or sympathize with a well-dressed, bejeweled woman if she finds the courage and self-respect to speak out against her successful, respected, powerful and often charming husband, while battered women's shelters turn her away, assuming that she has many other resources. But according to Weitzman, she doesn't. While often well educated and successful, the "upscale abused woman" is typically ignorant of her legal rights, convinced by her abuser that she is responsible for his behavior and isolated by her denial and shame from validating voices and potential assistance. Weitzman's upscale abuser exhibits Narcissistic Personality Disorder, feels eminently entitled and is incapable of seeing his wife as a person in her own right. Weitzman provides excellent practical advice for these women to make choices that extricate them from abuse, and proposes a new language and better education regarding "upscale violence" for the professionals who are likely to see it in their work. (Nov.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Booklist Review
Weitzman, a professor of social work, coined the phrase "upscale violence" for domestic abuse among the affluent, something that has been ignored and denied in research on the subject. Nationwide, four million women each year are victims of domestic violence, an unknown proportion of them from families with household incomes of $100,000 or more, according to Weitzman. In her 23 years of mental health practice, she noted the silence surrounding upscale violence. Affluent women are less likely to be assisted by police, courts, and counselors, because of the widely held belief that domestic violence doesn't occur among the well to do. But Weitzman interviewed 14 women, aged 24 to 62, for this revealing look at upscale violence. She recalls a client who went to domestic violence court in a fur coat, standing among lower income sister-complainants. Her case wasn't taken as seriously, though, like the others, she had a black eye. Weitzman looks at patterns of abuse and coping strategies and how abuse among the affluent differs from that of the more widely researched abuse among lower income families. ^-Vanessa Bush
Table of Contents
| Acknowledgments | p. v |
| Part 1 Upscale Violence | |
| 1 Piercing the Veil of Silence | p. 3 |
| 2 "This Doesn't Happen to People Like Us ..." | p. 17 |
| 3 Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Marriages? | p. 37 |
| Part 2 The Wife's Path in and Her Way Out | |
| 4 Getting In: "He Was So Sexy, So Powerful--He Swept Me Off My Feet ..." | p. 55 |
| 5 Staying the Course: "I Made My Bed ..." | p. 79 |
| 6 Going Public and Getting Going: "I'm Outta Here ..." | p. 109 |
| Part 3 People Along the Path: Those Who Help or Hurt | |
| 7 The Men: Arrogance and Insecurity, Grandiosity and Self-Doubt | p. 131 |
| 8 What About the Children? | p. 159 |
| 9 Who Can Help? Therapeutic Interventions | p. 175 |
| 10 The Double-Edged Sword: How Family, Friends, and Professionals Can Make Matters Worse | p. 203 |
| Part 4 Aftermath | |
| 11 Life Goes On | p. 221 |
| Appendices | p. 231 |
| Notes | p. 253 |
| References | p. 271 |
| Index | p. 281 |